I made this as a distraction <3

i was literally 6 days clean 

i did it again. and guess what.

IM LITERALLY GOING TO A FUCKING WATERPARK ON WEDNESDAY, WHICH IS TOMORROW. 

I'll probably wear my bathingsuit shorts anyways.

theres blood all over my lower stomach..

I have toilet paper on it but.. i dunno.

I literally hate myself  I was on fataltotheflesh.com and it didn't work. None of the ones like that worked. I just needed the sensation i guess..

fuck.

iont wanna tell my friend cuz she'll be disappointed and I'm not gonna tell my mom either

thank god its hidden cuz its summer here (I put it like on my lower stomach but like yeah uhm anyways so you can't see it)

just broke my almost two months (if i had lasted a week longer) clean streak.

i fucking hate my life & myself ❤️

also I still haven't gotten therapy yet (been stuck on the waiting list)

guys guess what 😖😖😖 all of my old picrews didn't transfer to my phone so its only on my ipad 😭😭😭😭

chipi chipi chapa chapa dubi dubi daba daba magico mi dubi dubi boom boom boom boom

I lowkey cannot take this anymore istg

my mom keeps stressing me out over school, which is only making my grades go DOWN

and I have so much missing work

my stupid fucking heart can't keep to itself, no matter how many times I want it to. I keep finding myself liking people (two) and then I get my heart absolutely shattered.

My mom doesn't know about me being homoflex, or nonbinary, or using she/they so I'm struggling not to correct her whrn she's talking about me.

My stupid fucking dad is being a petty bitch over court shit

I literally want to kms or sh but I have nothing to sh w so I almost gouged ny eyes out with my fingers last night my friend literally had to make sure I was still alive, checking on me every hour

I might've killed my cat cuz I forgot she was being fixed today and two of them (the bug backs) were biting my ankles because they wanted food so I gave them food

I'm so insanely touch starved that I would do anything atp (w money involved) that I can somehow lessen the starvation

My friend told a teacher I was selfharming and then he pulled me aside and asked me to show my arms so  I showed him my arm that I don't rlly do anything on and then he said the other one and when I would only show him the top and he just nodded I started sobbing and then he took me into the teacher work room in the office and then he got Miss D (I do NOT know what she does broski) and she was talking to me as I was honestly having a panic attack and then I went to guidance and I got to speak to the school psychologist and my guidance counselor and then now I get to go to therapy and any time I need to talk I have permission to go to the guidance office and if the seventh grade counselor isn't there the eighth one told me she would talk to me (she was in the room for a little bit bc my grade counselor was with someone)

!TW! Blood & SH

uhm

so

I realized I'm homoflex a few months ago

and lets just say this boy

uhm

he asked this girl out as a joke

and hes one of my best friends aswell

he knows I like him

uhm anyways

she said yes

and uhm

it was last day right before spring break

today I asked him if it was serious.

He said yes.

Spring break I had multiple mental breakdowns iver this

but today

I just couldn't take it anymore

I self-harmed with a pocket knife the other day (sunday)

but it wasn't enough.

So today

uhm

i took apart a pencil sharpener

and now..

it looks like it belongs on #shtwt on Twitter.

rubber johnny is honestly slays

The dog looked like it wanted to die ngl

I got kittens! And also my best friend since before I could walk died November 10th. That was the hardest I have ever cried in my life.

His name was Milo and he was my first cat ever, he let me do whatever to him even if he didnt like it and he was 14 possibly older. He took his last breath under my eye while I was holding his paw, we knew it would happen and he waited for me.

he waited..

Hey guys little random update!

Im updating the desc fron "the stupid 5'8 6th grader" to "the stupud 5'9 7th grader" so if u ever need my height or grade this should update when I remember

Joe mamacita

Ok im done

!Vent! TW: sh, su!c!d@l thoughs

i can't do this anymore. This week has been shitty, I broke my phone today and can't find my iPad so I gotta use my kindle for everything. If I don't have my phone I can't text anyone at all so I'm gonna be in some mental state when I tell my dad tmrw and I'm pretty sure he'll make me have a panic attack. I started sh again recently from stress but I don't use anything that leave permanent marks so I don't get yelled at, I have wanted to kill myself these past few days and I don't have the will to live anymore, my hammer is about to die because she already one. I'm not gonna handle her death well, I need some device to function and without one I'm gonna freak out, some photos refuse to save to my I cloud so I won't have them on my new phone and I'm not sure how the ibid paint I cloud update will work. Im so tired yet wide awake.

coems 🤑

!VENT! (TW: SH mentions, self hate)

I found myself but at the same time I lost myself..? Does that make sense? Like I found myself gender, pronoun, and sexuality wise, but not love for myself wise? Like I still hate myself and still sh sometimes but still. I have a gf and she helps some but its not enough yknow? Like either I had her or not I would still sh, I would still hate my body. I wish I was fucking skinner and not fat.. And before you try to tell me "Your perfect the way you are" actually shut up because I could care less tbh. Saying that does nothing I'm still gonna have no confidence and a low self esteem, I'm still gonna hate my body and I'm still gonna beat myself up about it.

smash kermit ngl

when cat is vibing:

Should I fucking up draw a rainbow in my eyebrow-

Nah I was having a mental breakdown shaved some of my eyebrow but messed it up so bad. Then Steve was like DO👏THE👏WHOLE👏THING👏

I love it, Steve loves it, Mom loves it, My brother likes it, My step sis likes it I think, my step bro doesnt realize it yet (Hes kinda oblivious ngl lol) my dad hates it and made it extremely obvi which made me cry when I got home. Bouta call my grandma and show her hope she doesnt freak-

Edit: she diesnt just freak but proceeded to say “WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?! Yknow thats a gang sign” then she was ranting and told me “I hope when your smart you dont do that again”  and then I kept crying while I was muted and had my video off and she said “People are gonna think your in a gang now hope you know that” and normally when I tell her I’m gonna go she says “Bye love you talk to you later” but when shes mad she says “Bye talk to you soon” and thats what she said..

I’m crying now. I knew this would happen-

Edit 2: my mom called her friend and she told me I looked bad ass lol

Y’all-

I JUST NEED $8 AND MY MOMS APPROVAL BEFORE I CAN GET A BLUE RINGED OCTOPUS- also yes I know they are dangerous-

Okay but I might also get:

Rat

POSSIBLY 2 MICE?!

Another Lizard

Hamster?!

Pet turtle..?

GIVE ME RECOMENDS BESIDES SNAKES I PROMISE I HAVE TRIED TO CONVINCE MY MOM-

I’m bouta have a crying breakdown ☺️

RATATA

Has been drawn.

My spelling has been AMAZING thes past few days keke

👁👄👁

(This is for a video I’m making LOL)

hiiiiiiiiiiiiii hru

sup